Processing Life Transitions
With Spring coming, you expect automatic life transitions. Your kids are going into a new grade come fall, or maybe start a new academic chapter in high school or college. Your sports team or other activity that was on hiatus for the winter starts up again, perhaps with new members. Leaves change and bring on the winter. But what if the summer marks more serious transitions in your life in addition to the normal ones I mentioned?
Your love unexpectedly left you or you realized the relationship just wasn’t working.
You moved to a new home, maybe even in a new city
You have a new job, maybe after months of searching
You lost a loved one and you are now moving toward your first SPring/Summer season without them
You lost your job or were laid off
After months of struggling with finances, your home goes into foreclosure
Any of these things can happen to you, by themselves or in groups. New jobs, new homes, new schools, new relationships may be in the same cluster. Whether you made the decision that set the transition in motion or not, you might still have some challenges adjusting. Why? The short answer is that some of your identity is tied up in the status quo. When you move into a period of transition, in effect, you reject your past. As you try to reconcile the new reality of your life, you experience a number of conflicting emotions – excitement, fear, disappointment, hurt, sadness, anger – in the wake of your new situation. In time, you cope, you adjust, you accept, you may even fall in love with your new life – or not. Change usually brings growth, but the process may not leave you unscathed.
In his book, Transitions, psychologist William Bridges describes how before we accept change, we must go through a beginning and a neutral zone. This neutral zone describes the transition period where the emotions mentioned above, and a whole lot more, come to into play and where we are most vulnerable. Perhaps this is why kids feel so rejected when they first go to a new school, or why adults get caught up in rebound romances after a partner dies or leaves. Even for good changes, such as getting the job we wanted in another state, we might not fully embrace the new situation until we have processed all our feelings about uprooting our life and family.
There are times when we might need some professional guidance, a Life Transiton Coach, to make it through from one life stage to another, but some basic coping skills that might prove sufficient for many transitions:
Acknowledge that change is part of life. As cute as your newborn is, he or she will not realize their potential till he/she starts growing.
Take ownership of change, which means accepting responsibility for your part in it. If you wanted the divorce or seperation, you have to confront the reality that you have faults too.
Consider your goals. If you want to be a fashion designer, you may have to move to bigger city, like New York.
Acknowledge and express your feelings. Expressing doubt is not a sign of weakness.
Think of the good outcome. Even if you lose your home, you and your family can start life with less debt.
Develop and rely on your support system. Turn to your friends, turn to God, turn to a mental health professional or counselor, while avoiding drugs, alcohol, and excessive shopping, eating, or sleeping.
Give it time. The Golden Gate Bridge wasn’t built in day, so your transition my take some time too.
Transitions are a natural part of life. Once you make it through the process, you can enjoy the outcome.
